


Wrong choices

by SoniaWilde



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Cheating, Coming Out, F/F, Femslash, M/M, Multi, Niam Horayne, Slash, Ziam Mayne - Freeform, larry stylinson - Freeform, narry storan - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-16
Updated: 2014-11-03
Packaged: 2018-02-09 03:09:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1966740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoniaWilde/pseuds/SoniaWilde
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>New York, major live interview to the boys. One of them, Harry, has something to say.<br/>But what will become of them after the revelation? What there is to do when you destroy the golden world you've proudly been part of? This is a story about a coming out and his consequences. </p><p>"“But I don’t miss any love interest, and how could I? He’s sitting right beside me.” And suddenly, silence fell. The thrill that was in the air could have been touched, so intense it was. Keith felt the scoop into his hands and quickly asked: “Who Is he, Harry?” and out loud, right into a microphone, right in the middle of Central Park, right before a thousand of people watching – both live and on streaming – he said it.<br/>“Louis Tomlison.” He said."</p><p>How could One Direction survive after Harry's selfish revelation? How will it change their relationships? Are there any things left unsaid? This story talks about five boys and how their stories will go on. Something is left unsaid, some things are too loud, what will win?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for my mistakes, sure there are some of them.  
> Please, let me know what you think about it.

The interview took place at New York, on a beautiful Sunday morning who was both sunny and cold as hell. The light blue American sky seemed smiling down at the five boys who were used to do interviews by then and even if they were angry for things they could not say, they didn’t feel any pressure anymore. Harry caressed the window of the black car who just took them from the hotel in which they arrived just five hours before. His green eyes were lost into the blue of the sky: it was the kind of sky with no clouds, only light blue enlightened the whole world and it was crazy thinking that, under the same sky, somewhere it was probably raining or snowing. What a mystery the sky was and that was the mystery filling Harry Styles’s head right in that moment, as if he was Hansel lost in the forest not just the most famous boy about to get an interview. His band mates looked at him and smiled, someone mocked him and Louis just hit his hands and laughed saying “C’mon Harry, don’t fly into some other world!” and Harry sighed, following his mate advice. 

After all, Louis knew him more than anyone else and even if he was smiling, Harry knew that, in his heart, that blue eyed boy from Doncaster was worried about his mind floating around and doing something Harry should not have done. As the black car with dark windows turned right and he almost felt Louis falling on his left shoulder – damn you, physics! – he got back on planet earth and looked down on his mates. Liam was laughing keeping his right hand on Zayn’s left knee and the other hand around Niall’s neck and was talking about some bullshit with both of them; Louis on the other hand took his hand and held it tightly while watching him, a little bit worried. Harry smiled at him and returned the grasp, trying not to hurt the other boy’s hand with his enormous rings: one had the shape of a skull and had two huge black plastic gem in the place of the eyes and the other one was simpler, just a ring with a double border but in the inside it hid a secret, a secret Harry always held strongly onto his heart, so much he bled for it many times. 

But the time of pain was over, even if maybe he would have made someone else suffer for his choices and when he thought about it, he suffered. Anyway, the time had come to make things right, to think a little bit about himself and not about the others: he had thought about other people for all of his life. It was time to do something for himself and he would have done it, sure as hell. 

Niall opened the car window to say hello to some fans in their way to the live interview and the car filled with girly screams at which, they smiled and laughed – everyone but Zayn who whispered an angry ‘shit’ and hurried to hide his joint. Niall laughed because he did it on purpose and Liam laughed because it was funny but Zayn did not laughed and when Niall closed window and left the screaming on the outside of the vehicle, he threw some candy wrapper at the Irish guy and threatened him to not let him taste any of his reefer. Louis made a gesture that meant the suffering that threat would have meant to the boy and added a spoken sentence. “That burns!” he said, Mr. Doncaster.

The car slowly parked near Central Park, near a lot of people who seemed unable to do nothing but scream. They were used at it, by the way and Harry most of them all while he shook the hands he could reach and helped some fans to take a photo with him. A blonde girl – must have been something around fifteen or sixteen – almost cried and he gave her a paper tissue from the security man. She thanked Harry with a red face and trembling hands and he winked at her while he reached the stage at the centre. The security men where making space for them, guarding the barriers and in the front row, some of the management stood there, being the bars of the prison that held the curly English boy. Liam shouted an ironic “Ehy girl, I can give you the tie if you want, but I don’t think I can give you my neck.” and Louis laughed just as he escaped from a sixteen years old girl who was trying to rip a piece of his shirt. 

When they finally were on the stage and the interviewers introduced themselves – a nice black woman who had the most American accent Harry ever heard (named Nicole) and a nice thirty year-old white male (Keith) who, according to Harry’s ears, was probably from Maine – they got to sit down. Harry was the first one, the nearest to the journalist, and then there were in order: Niall, Liam, Louis and Zayn and on the chairs there were the names so they didn’t get to choose where to sit, one again. That was one of the reasons why Harry felt relieved and not guilty about what he was on the edge to do, on the edge to say. He looked at Louis that was trying not to look back and so let the eyes went on Niall who joked with him with the hands and suddenly – both smiling – they tried to hit each other.  
Nicole smiled and held their hand telling them to stop so they did and the crowd cheered. Keith took word and he introduced them as if there was need to do so. “So, you just arrived in the United States for this massive tour that follows the publication of your fourth album, how does it feel to come back here?” usual question, usual answer given by Payno.

“We feel very lucky to be here right now and we owe it all to our amazing fans who are here even if it’s so cold!” he said smiling at the crowd and Zayn nodded, adding the always golden hit “We love you so much guys!” and still they screamed.  
Nicole nodded to the guys answer and made her own question. “Yes, of course. You are very polite, guys, so British!” she laughed and so everyone did. There must have been a joke between American and British attitude, it was like the Revolution never ended but it was cool. “Anyway” with the classic charisma her work required she kept talking “we were wondering if you guys miss home. Or miss someone from home…” she left the sentence floating for a purpose, so her colleague could finish the question “…like you, Zayn. Don’t you miss your fianceé, Perrie Edwards?”

Harry thought it was the perfect question to do what he intended to. Suddenly, he felt like a rock had just fell upon his stomach or maybe his butterfly tattoo weighed suddenly too much, like the Ring of Power that felt its destruction was near. In a moment – precisely between the Liam’s puppy look and the fast answer Zayn gave – he was suddenly unsure about what he had planned. Suddenly, New York felt small and the light blue sky felt heavy, suddenly there was no certainty but it was now or never and he knew that. Nicole was taking the microphone back to ask another question but Harry raised his and smiled. “Actually I have to say something” and suddenly he felt it: he felt every eyes watching him, he felt all the cameras on him and he felt the betrayal to his best friends ripping his heart part to part. But it was too late to think it back: he had to do it.

“Have you someone you miss?” Nicole asked.  
“Yes well, my mum!” he joked and waved his hand to the camera “I love you mom!” he said and felt the audience awing under him, and he felt the Modest! Team relaxing, so he stroke right in that moment.

“But I don’t miss any love interest, and how could I? He’s sitting right beside me.” And suddenly, silence fell. The thrill that was in the air could have been touched, so intense it was. Keith felt the scoop into his hands and quickly asked: “Who Is he, Harry?” and out loud, right into a microphone, right in the middle of Central Park, right before a thousand of people watching – both live and on streaming – he said it.

“Louis Tomlison.” He said.


	2. II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life after the One Direction was though at the beginning, especially because a huge fight draw them apart. Harry still hadn’t talked to Liam since then and there was no surprise by how they screamed at each other after the interview.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again sorry for any mistake you can find, I'm trying to do my best. This is a chapter that includes sex - sort of - and it takes place two years after the events narrated on the first one.
> 
> I hope you enjoy :)

_Two years later_

Louis's legs were spread and Harry was in their middle, thrusting his hips onto Louis' and, meanwhile, kissing each other. It was a lazy sunday morning and they both loved lazy sunday sex. It was their thing. Hardened naked under the sheets while a shy sun shone upon their house in Holmes Chapel - where they went back after the coming out and the consequence of the One Direction split up - they felt like life couldn't give them more. Of course they missed the good old days when singing was their life, but alternitevely, they had found their way. A pant escaped Louis's mouth as he arched his back and his neck, trying to give more access to his body for Harry's one. The curly guy started sucking his boyfriend's left nipple - the one Louis was more sensitive about - and his right hand slipped on Louis's left thight, the inner tight. They were slow but passionate, with their mouths lovely and devouring.  
"Please... Harry!" Moaned Louis with his voice low and broken.

Harry, instead, had a hoarse voice, hot and sexy. "Hush Boo, Hazza's coming for you." He smiled and moved the hand behind Lou's full balls. His wrist massaged the perineum while his fingers teased the space between the asscheeks, making his boyfriend moan again in a mixture of pleasure and agony.   
After five years it was easy for them to know how to give pleasure each one to another but that didn't mean it was boring, quite the opposite.  
Given the volume of Louis's moans and how hard they both were, Harry decided it was time to play hard. He leaned on top of Louis to kiss him again with red lips already bitten, several times bitten. He also leaned closer aligning his cock to the Doncaster’s boy's entrance, quite a familiar place by now for him. He felt the pleasure increasing with the tought of anticipation and let some moans escape his mouth, now engaged in pinching the pale skin of his boyfriend's neck. A stream of shivers run through his spine when he was about to enter but something ruined that moment. Louis’s hand firmly placed itself onto Harry’s chest and it was pulling him away from his body.

“Hazza…” he said

“Lou?” answered Harry, quite puzzled about how things suddenly were changing.

Louis frowned his eyebrows and looked to his left where a classic alarm clock, while resting on a night table, kept tick-tocking uncaring of the love scenario it had before itself. Its hands pointed a quarter past ten, a.m. 

Usually Harry loved when Louis lost himself in some kind of strange and alien thoughts, but not when he was so aroused and so close to come and, most of all, with his cock so near to his boyfriend’s entrance. “Lou” he tried again “Is everything alright? ’Cause I would really love to have sex with you right now.” His voice had lost a little bit of sexiness in this please.  
As if Louis didn’t hear him, the blue eyed boy said: “Hazza, what day is today?”

Harry really thought his boyfriend was mad, crazy, went bananas but he did not had the time to say anything because the phone rang, Louis’s mobile to be exact. First it vibrated on the same night table where the alarm clock was and its display enlightened, then, a song by 5 Seconds of Summer started to fill the room – it was English Love Affair, for the most curious readers. Louis actually throw himself to the phone, not caring about the fact that Harry fell off the bed, legs into the hair and his belly still defying gravity as it was part of an Idina Menzel video. He slid the green line to answer his iPhone six plus (always the best for him, how could you go wrong?) and, with a sparkling voice, he said: “Niall, hey. What’s up?”

Harry – who, in the meantime managed to put himself onto the bed again – frowned his eyebrows and listened carefully to the sound that came out of the Apple phone. “What’s up?” screamed an irish voice “Are you kidding me? My plane landed half an hour ago, I’ve been waiting for you for ages. Where the fuck are you?”  
Plane? Niall? Was he… was he coming to stay with them? Harry felt like he was the intruder in someone else’s life as he saw Louis getting up and trying to dress up. All of this while he kept the phone perfectly balanced between his right cheek and shoulder. “Yeah well, we had.. a… w-we…” Louis sighed. “I forgot to tell Harry. And I forgot what day was today.”

Harry, despite the situation, almost burst out laughing. Typical of Louis forgetting important things like picking his friends to the airport. He could not hear Niall again because the phone and Louis were far away from him, but he could still hear Louis answering. And from what he was answering, it was clear that Niall was slightly mad.  
“Yeah well, don’t scream at me Nialler… of course we’re gonna pay your tax- Niall, it happens to… - don’t insult me with your colon accent, I – I’m not Queen Victoria, stop with that _thing_.” he kept going while dressing himself with skinny jeans and a white shirt. He looked at Harry like he was going to kill him, and the curly boy somehow knew he had to dress. 

With a resigned sigh, Harry took a pair of boxers right from the upper drawer of the dresser that was placed in front of the bed – they also had a wardrobe on the right side of the room. On the left side, Lou had insisted on placing a Jacuzzi and, regarding the window, they had a splendid, large window just behind the bed that took the measure of half the wall. A huge glass divided by wooden bars in a classic country design and their bed, oh, it was huge. They were lucky to be rich, because Louis was so wimpy sometimes so much that Harry wanted to kill him. Even choosing the house had been a nightmare and they had to live with Anne and Robin for three or four months; luckily, Anne missed her boy so much that she didn’t complain about it. 

Life after the One Direction was though at the beginning, especially because a huge fight draw them apart. Harry still hadn’t talked to Liam since then and there was no surprise by how they screamed at each other after the interview. Liam had accused Harry to have been selfish, he said Harry hadn’t thought about his friends, his bandmates, and some other cruel stuff. Thing is, Harry knew Liam was right: he had been selfish by not telling anyone about his intentions and even if he tried to explain that he knew and that he really wanted to be selfish after almost five years of limiting himself because of his dear bandmates, Liam really couldn’t forgive him so they choose separate paths. Louis agreed with Liam but he understood and followed Harry because they were together, while Zayn – as anyone could have figured out – followed Liam. If they had been in a relationship then, if they were in a relationship at that moment, Harry did not know. Louis knew everything, Louis still heard about them but they talked very little about ‘em. And then, well, there was Niall. That Irish lad was the red thread that still kept One Direction together and Harry was really thankful to him for that.  
Louis put down his mobile and turned to his boyfriend while rubbing his hands onto his face. “I’m sorry Hazza, I completely blacked out. It was supposed to be a surprise for you, y’know.” He adjusted his shirt collar looking directly into the mirror, typical of Louis when he wanted to avoid to show his feelings. He was shy, afterall and, yes, a little bit of sassiness played his part as well. “You are always there wondering ‘what is Niall doing’ ‘we should see him sometimes’ and blah, blah bla.” He finished talking and turned again towards Harry but the curly boy was not onto the bed dressing himself. He was right behind Louis, shirtless with his jeans still unzipped and a consistent bulge showing from the zip area. 

“Thank you!” whispered Harry kissing his boyfriend’s lips and entwining his hands. Lou moaned into that kiss and leaned towards Harry instinctively, raising their entwined hands as he tried to hug Harry’s neck. Lou’s arousal pressed as much as Harry’s one while this one took a pause from the intense kissing just to breath. But he couldn’t help himself, he had to touch Louis with his lips, so he started kissing his neck and some other moans escaped the blue eyed boy.

“H-Hazza” Louis tried to say “P-please stop. We - - Niall is going to come any time now.”  
“So do I!” replied Harry smiling onto that pale skin and Louis laughed too but pushed him away. 

***  
Seriously, Niall entered the door ten minutes before he started eating. That man had a bottomless stomach, that was known. He was devouring some eggs with bacon while Harry was cooking some French toast for him – it was Harry to do the cooking and for the cleaning, well, they had a woman coming twice a week. It was great to be rich, or so Louis thought.   
“So” said Niall sucking his thumb to catch some flavor he may have escaped. “What are you guys doing now? Tell me again!” and he looked both Louis and Harry before coming back to eat. 

Harry came and put the French toast inside his plate, Niall thanked him while chewing and Louis rolled his eyes up to the sky. He never liked when someone behaved like a peasant, he was queen Victoria after all, there had been a reason while his bandmates named him that way. Anyway it was him to answer, maybe to give himself a reason to ignore the napkin tied to the neck. 

“Harry has bought the bakery since his former owner was retiring and it’s so successful he opened a few more in the region. We are thinking about a great opening in London for the autumn.” He said, proud of how the business thing was going and Harry smiled.  
“Oh, great things so.” Niall smiled to Harry. “Proud of ya, buddy!” he put his fist ready to be hit and so it went.  
Harry then spoke. “Yeah, but Louis did something bigger. He created his own football team, you know? The wildcats!”

Niall burst out laughing and Harry feared he may choke on his food. When Niall laughed, anyway, everything seems better, it was hard to remember that two years passed since Harry had been… selfish and truthful. It seemed like they still were on tour, like Liam and Zayn were just a room away… it still hurt to have an open fight with two people that once were as close as brothers to him. 

“The wildcats, are you serious?” Niall said, still laughing, in that marble kitchen and Louis put on his best ‘bitchy’ face.   
“I always thought it was a great name for a team. Since when I saw the first High School Musical in the cinema!” he confessed, eventually.   
This time, all of them laughed and the sound of happiness filled the room as much as the bacon smell that was kind of the same thing. If bacon isn’t happiness in meat, well, then Niall did not know what it was.

“And what about you?” said Harry, looking at him directly in the eyes. 

“Me?” he said, with his mouth half full. Niall made a huge effort to swallow everything he had in his mouth in the shorter time he could and Harry was impressed by how his throat could enlarge.  
“Oh, I went back to school. I’m studying psychology at the Trinity College, in Dublin.” He said, shaking his shoulders like it wasn’t a big deal. “I subscribed and passed the test, and it’s going… good.” By good he meant he had a very high average grade.   
“Thank you guys for this food. It was delicious and oh, Harry, can you please open your bakery in Dublin? It will be much better than the college canteen.” He said, widening his eyes in a clear and honest judgment of what his student feeding tasted like.  
They laughed and Harry got up to clean the dishes because, well, if he expected Louis to do it, that would never happen. “I wish I can do it very soon. Louis would like to see the Holmes’s Bakery as famous as the Starbucks. And whatever Louis wants, it becomes law. Actually, I think they are working about it in the parliament!” Harry curved his lips and mocked his boyfriend as he always did and Niall laughed again. Oh god, how much he missed Niall’s laughter! 

The water poured all over his hands, he had pretty big hands or so Louis said to him every time he got the chance. Every boyfriend Harry ever had – which were two, he got together with Louis when he was only sixteen and now he was twenty-three – always enjoyed his hands, they all said he was pretty good with them and he was proud of it. That Sunday was hot, hot as hell and from the window Harry could see the neighbor’s kids playing on the seesaw and he smiled.   
Holly and Adam were twins and they often came to visit Harry and Louis – they often offered themselves as free baby-sitters – and they had great fun. At the beginning the boys were worried that the family next to them would have been homophobic or at least intolerant but John and Mary proved themselves the best neighbors one could ever wish for. 

Holly – aged seven – waved his little hand to Harry who returned the waving hand. The child smiled showing his front teeth missing and she seemed so happy.  
Harry sighed while he put the dishes right where they belonged. He wanted to have a kid so bad, and he wanted to get married but every time he wanted to say that, something inside of him made him feel like it wasn’t the right time, the right moment. Louis never said anything about that too and maybe it was early (after all the older one was Lou and he was just twenty-six years old) for them to say the word ‘forever’. 

Behind his back, Lou and Niall kept joking and laughing about something he did not know but it was nice to hear them as years weren’t passed. But he was becoming too sentimental about it, wasn’t he? He dried his hands to a dishtowel and gently moved away a curl from his forehead. He felt some sweat on his hand while doing that, but he didn’t care, it was just a few. There were more important things to do and he intended to do them: he could not think about how much he wanted to have kids if he couldn’t fix his own life, his own problems. 

He sit down once again near Louis, in front of Niall and smiled. “It’s nice to be together once again!” he said in a happy voice and they nodded.  
“It’s like time hasn’t passed, after all. We still are the lads we were!” said Louis, leaning to his boyfriend’s chest and Harry’s arms didn’t wait to hold and embrace his body which he learned by heart.

“There’s only one thing that would make this thing complete.” He said, licking his lips and avoiding Louis’s gaze. So, he stared at Niall. It was easier for him, he didn’t look at Louis not even when he came out of the closet. 

“What?” said Niall, after handing a glance at Louis. 

“I want to invite Liam and Zayn.”


	3. London is fuking cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam and Zayn were living together and the Wolver Hampton’s boy usually came to the pub after his evening shift (he became a fireman like he always wished) to hear his mate sing and to drink something with him. That night Perrie and Leigh were with Liam while Zayn was finishing his version of “I Want to Break Free”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is mainly Ziam, although it is vital for the plot. I do not hate Perrie , on the other hand I wanted to make her an important character of the story, I hope you would like her too. 
> 
> Once again, sorry sorry sorry for my English mistake. I work very hard in order to make the less I can. 
> 
> Enjoy the chapter :)

**London**

Misfit’s was a cool pub, right on Tottenham Court Road, it was just like any other pub. Its wooden structure - that gave it a country look - and a bunch of familiar customer were all that characterize it since its opening in 1991. The pub lived twenty-two years of its businesses, shared between the same old faces and the tourists, without excessive fame but it made enough to be remain open in these times of recession, which was actually good enough. Roger, the owner, never had hunger for business – not too much at least – and nobody in his family (which included a wife, a son, a daughter and three happy cats) expected him to have a successful idea that could transform the Misfit’s into an overcrowded pub. So - as it always happens - mainly because nobody expected it, the idea came. 

After the One Direction split up he suddenly called Zayn Malik offering him a job: the job of playing live music in his pub. Roger only told his wife “It could be funny having him in my pub.” When they were both ewatching a tv special about the fate of the world famous band and three days later, Zayn was there covering some Beatles song. Right in the middle of the country-fashioned pub. Roger felt himself being a genius and Zayn was having fun. He wasn’t sure of wanting another job after his singing career, after all he had enough money to live on income but he admitted he was having fun especially on the karaoke nights. Of course the pub became soon the target of all the ex directioners that proved themselves really true to the band even after the end of that, and you could guess the register was shining from all the incoming. 

Liam and Zayn were living together and the Wolver Hampton’s boy usually came to the pub after his evening shift (he became a fireman like he always wished) to hear his mate sing and to drink something with him. That night Perrie and Leigh were with Liam while Zayn was finishing his version of “I Want to Break Free”.

Little Mix were still a band of success, there had been no split up for them, but the relationship between Perrie and Zayn had changed: they had been indeed engaged, on the edge of marrying each other, but Harry’s coming out made a change in Zayn’s mind. After having choked, delayed and procrastinated any thought about the possibility of him not being hetero, Zayn found himself thinking about it and after having aknowledged the fact that indeed he wasn’t straight – he was actually bisexual, with a kink on dressing up as a woman – he went straight to his girlfriend and broke up with her because he needed time to accept himself (that wasn’t as easy as anyone thinks or tells) and she understood. 

Actually Perrie surprised Zayn saying that she had noticed it even before him did, and since that moment Perrie became Zayn’s most close confident. Liam himself had no clue about his friend’s sexuality or so Zayn hoped because he still wasn’t ready to come out of the closet. Not with everyone at least, and having a Muslim family and faith made everything worse but fortunately his family was pretty open to the Occidental lifestyle. Still, only Perrie knew; his precious Perrie, his true love: because he did, truly love her, only not in the romantic way.

Zayn finished the song and everyone clapped at him, some of the girls screamed making him knew that nothing was really changed after all. Liam, Leigh and Perrie were the loudest fan, as it was every night they were there and Zayn always blushed shily at all this cheering. At the end of the day he still was a shy boy from Bradford. “C’mon guys, there’s no need to be so loud.” He said soon after he joined them at their usual table by the window. He did not have to pay to consume there mainly because he worked there and he was the main reason the pub was having this huge success but, even if he wanted to, Liam usually offered himself to pay for both of them even if there was, of course, no need of it. 

Liam embraced him with his big arms and showed him his biggest smile. For him it was a simple smile, he couldn’t hear the noise it did inside Zayn’s heart and, since he couldn’t hear it and since Zayn didn’t want Liam to hear it, the latter pretended to not hear it too. But Perrie heard it, somehow. And she smiled about it.  
“You’ve been amazing buddy!” said Liam pouring down some beer for his housemate, his bandmate, his brother. Since when Louis and Harry came out, he often wondered if he could ever be gay and with whom and everytime the most logical answer that came to his mind was Zayn: that lad knew everything about him, he never even once disappointed him, he rembered his birthday, the date of his first kiss with his first girlfriend (and Liam only told him once by accident) and the names of his babysitters. Crazy, wasn’t it? Crazy but lovely, it was a pity that often the world wasn’t based on logic and he was straight as hell. 

“Those were only covers, Leeyum. You’ve seen me doing better!” said Zayn, lowering his eyes, blushing. His browned hands closed around the glass that gave him an excuse to not look his lad in the eyes. He shook his head. “There were only covers.” Repeated, mainly to himself and mainly because he wanted his brain to stop thinking about the fact that Liam’s big hand was placed on his thin shoulder. 

“But Liam is right!” said Leigh, raising her glass “You’ve been amazing, Zi. Let’s make a toast to your high notes but Perrie isn’t allowed to toast!” she said, showing her tongue stuck out to her bandmate that widened her mouth. 

“Listen to that!” Perrie said, in a pretended angry mood. “And why’s that?” she put her fists onto the curves of her waist, like an angry child. Leigh laughed showing her white teeth, so contrasting against the beautiful dark skin. “Because you can sing perfect high notes too. You’re not invited to my and Liam’s party!” and she raised her glass again and drank a long sip, losing some of the beer that dripped along her chin onto her clothes in a shape of a little, golden rain.  
Perrie shook her head at her friend’s mess. “Look at you, such a rude girl. You’re a world famous popstar now, you can’t afford this anymore!” said joking. She truly loved Leigh with all her heart, especially when the girls did things like that showing the real Leigh-Anne.

“Don’t count me in, girls.” said Liam “I don’t mess with girl’s business. They’re dangerous, aren’t ‘em, Zy?” he asked, one of his hand holding his bottle of beer and the other one, the one that was upon Zy’s shoulder, moved between his friend’s hair, stroking it.  
If first there was just a noise into Zayn’s heart, now there was a clash of noises: he could hear a lot of things into his heart and mind, into his chest, and he was afraid Liam could hear all that hubbub, how could anyone not hear it? It was a mess. His heart always beated like crazy when Liam was near him but eventually – and luckily – he still managed to keep the secret locked inside him, though the noise was becoming unbearable, so strong and deafening he had to take Liam’s hand off his body.

“Go stroke Sophia!” he said with a fake smile, trying to chase away the hand he desperately wanted to hold. He hoped Liam wouldn’t be offended by that, he expected him to understand that – usually – a boy didn’t want to be touched by another boy. He knew Liam was open minded – he was in the same band with a gay couple after all – but somehow he didn’t expect him to maintain the same relationship they now had if he would have knew. He didn’t expect the silence that followed his words too. 

A little ‘oops’ was all that Perrie was able to let go, but nothing else followed from any of them. Zayn looked around his table worried about having said something terribly wrong and when he saw Liam looking down, his eyes wet and big like the one of a beaten, sad, golden-retriever puppy, he couldn’t help his guilt sense. “What, what have I…” he tried to say but Perrie stopped him. 

“Let’s go and smoke a cigarette, Zy. C’mon!” she literally took him by the hand without waiting for an actual answer and Zayn had no choice but to follow her. He followed her out of the pub where a bunch of people were smoking, including a group of teenagers which couldn’t have been older than fifteen – surely they were not in the pub, Roger was pretty strict about age rule in his property – and he wondered how long ‘til newborns could be seen smoking tobacco too: the world was really a messed up place. 

Perrie handed him a package of Red Lucky Strike offering him one of them; she took one for herself and, before she spoke, she lit both cigarettes and aspired his first drag. “Sophia broke up with him. This evening, you had already left to come here.” And a load of smoke left her mouth. She really believed in saying things straight away, without any strange round of words. 

The whole sentence, anyway, didn’t make sense to the Bradford lad. Sophia and Liam endured a whole relationship made of distance and fake scandals and things seemed to go better in those days without the band life, he really did not see it coming. Sophia was at his and Liam’s place literally two days before and they acted as a happy couple and, also, Liam didn’t say anything to Zayn about a fight or a crisis: he did not speak of any problem regarding his girlfriend like he would have done. Unless Liam suddenly didn’t trust him – and a shiver run through him at the only thought – something was definitely not right.

“Why? What happened? Yestereday they chatted like two parrots in love on whatsapp, what could have possibily happened in twenty-four hours to make her break the relationship?” he asked, puzzled. A part of him was happy Liam was single once again and this part led his look to the pub’s window that showed a smiling Leigh trying to cheer up that beautiful, beautiful boy in front of her. Liam smiled playing Leigh’s game but everyone that truly knew him could see he was not alright. Zayn wanted to hold him, he wanted to make him happy, he wanted to… kiss him. In his mind emerged a picture of him finally declaring his love to the guy and it was relieving just to imagine it, it was good just to imagine how could it be letting his secrets go. This, of course, if he could put aside the sense of guilt of being selfish.  
And, suddenly, another part woke up into his mind: the truer part, the one that reminded him that Liam was straight as hell and the best thing he could have ever said could have been “Thanks mate but that’s not me.” and then their relationship would have not be the same again ever. No matter how hard they both could try: some things are bound to make a change and it could not be otherwise: like the sea, rising its level up to the moon. It couldn’t be helped. A cloud of his breath left his lips before these two closed.

Perrie took word, distracting him “We do not know. He only told us the news and he made quite clear he didn’t want to talk about it.” she put her hands inside her own sleeves, trembling. It was so cold she also started knee-bending but Zayn didn’t seem to feel the cold or to have even noticed the low temperature. His mind was somewhere else. 

“I should have noticed he was sad.” He said instead of noticing he was without any coat out in a polar night. 

Perrie made a strange verse that sounded like a half of a sarcastic laugh. “Sure, because you’re a wizard, Harry. Come on, you know him well but he acted like he was the happiest man on the Earth, how could you knew?” the last word came out of his mouth a little broken, shaking between her teeth: she was freezing. Only then Zayn seemed to realize how cold was out there and, apologizing to Perrie, he hurried in smoking his cigarette in order to come back inside as soon as possible.

His mind, though, knew no rest: Perrie was right in saying that Zayn was no wizard to guess what Liam hid, but wasn’t what friends do? True friends were usually able to see what any other couldn’t, right? It was true, tho, that Zayn had barely reached Liam and the girls when the “bomb” exploded. While he and Perrie left the cold, smoky street to return in the warm shelter of the pub, he figured he had to ignore this fact or any other question his mind wondered in order to be a solid support for his broken hearted friend. Liam will have talked whenever he wanted to.

As if Zayn’s mind called him, he found Liam in front of him as soon as he opened the door to come back in. Liam had his phone in his hands, it looked like it was vibrating.  
“You goin’ out?” Zayn asked, a little puzzled. He was afraid Liam could do something stupid like calling Sophia and make things worse. 

“Yeah, just taking a call.” answered Liam vaguely, waving a little his phone in a subconscious way to indicate his reason to go out. 

“Do not call Sophia.” Zayn almost bit his own tongue. Why did he had to pull that out? He knew how proud Liam was, he knew his friend wouldn’t have confessed it even if it was the truth. Liam didn’t want to show any weakness when things were rough to him and he didn’t want any one of his closest friend to think he could be weak and Zayn had betrayed him like that.

Liam frowned and his little smile froze. “Of course I’m not calling her. Who do you take me for?” his anger could be easily seen in his eyes. Liam had never been able to hide his feelings, his eyes were the key to read him like an open book.  
The pub suddenly became colder than the street, it felt like all the warm suddenly climbed up to Zayn’s cheeks that got hot and red, he could feel it. Oh why did he had to blush so easily? He was lucky to be dark skinned. “Right.” He said, biting his lower lip. “’F course you’re not.” And he buried his hand, his fingers between his dark hair in a nervous gesture. He also stepped aside, showing Liam he was letting him out.

Liam passed by him without any word, the buzzing of his vibrating phone was the only thing they both could hear in the time they were almost pulled against each other. Liam bumped onto Zayn and the latter could not say if that was by chance or not. Oh why did he had to say that stupid thing? Of course there were a lot of person that could call Liam, beginning with his family. Liam had never been so desperate to beg his ex-girlfriend trough the phone. 

During that brief fight Perrie had been a few steps ahead them without Zayn had noticed and, once Liam had stepped out of the door that closed with a deaf noise, she felt she had to say something. Her red painted lips twitched looking at his ex-boyfriend like they were holding something bigger than themselves, a bitter pill they couldn’t swallow. “When you’re gonna tell him?” she said, her voice low but somehow perfectly audible to Zayn’s ears. She knew the only way the boys could have a better relationship was when they would have been completely honest to each other. Sadly, she knew Zayn didn’t share her thoughts.  
 _When Leigh’s gonna tell you_ he wanted to say, but he had promised to his other friend that he would keep the secret so he bit his lips and said: “Never. He’s straight, Perrie. He will always be straight.”. 

Perrie sighed. “You know you do not have to do this for a positive response…” she came back to be near him and she took his sweater into her little hands, just like when they were together. She smiled thinking about that, those were good times. She lifted her eyes in order to meet Zayn’s ones and finally let go what she had always thought. “I think your friendship could only improve if you prove yourself to be true and honest to him.”

“I don’t want to put our friendship at risk.” said Zayn nervously and, without even casting a glance over the blonde girl, he shook her hands off of him and went straight to the table to reach a lonely, smiling Leigh. Perrie followed him with a sigh and she hoped that boy’s stubbornness wouldn’t led to some big issue. 

***  
Liam sighed too, out of the pub. The cold air and the mist all around him didn’t seem to affect his mood which was strangely overloaded: he was overloaded. He was shaking from the head to the toe, but in the end he answered the call that was making his phone vibrating for a while now, actually he was surprised that was still going on. “Lou?” he said as if he didn’t know who was calling.

Louis Tomlinson, on other side of the phone, was talking to him in his bedroom. Niall and Harry were watching a superhero movie in the living a room, a movie he didn’t particularly like. “Ehy big Payno, how are you?” his voice was chatty, strangely happy.

Liam smirked and touched every pocket he had, looking form some cigarette that seemed, in his mind, the only thing that could stop a nervous breakdown from coming. “So is this kind of phone call. Not the other kind.” He was nervous and wasn’t even trying to hide it. 

Louis held his breath for a minute. Through the phonethe noise of this strange, interrupted breath could be perfectly heard and Liam thought it was strangely similar to a sex moan. “Stop that.” said the Doncaster boy “Harry’s just in the next room. He could step by and overhear, I cannot risk it all and do the other kind of phone call now.” Liam thought Louis was blushing from anger and that had a surprisingly arousing effect on him. He tried not to think about it. 

“I’m sorry but you usually call me mainly for that kind of calls.” Liam said, unhappy about what his mind made him see and think. Fortunately, when all hope was lost, his left hand found an almost finished Galouises packet in his jeans. He took it out in a hurry and was relieved to see that two cigarettes were still there, left untouched. 

Louis didn’t seem to care about what Liam said and suddenly changed the matter. “Harry wants to see you and Zayn. I think he wants to make up things between the group, you know…” he kept talking as the Wolver Hampton boy hadn’t said anything relevant, but the very same boy stopped him.

“Sophia found out Lou. She found your pictures on my phone.” Liam couldn’t help but being deeply serious. How could Louis invite him when they had an affair going between them? Well it was also true that if Harry wanted to see them could have been suspicious not to attend, knowing that Louis and him remained friends.

Liam’s voice wasn’t as loud as a thunder, but what he said it did make a noise much stronger in Louis’s head. No, it wasn’t loud: it was as the sentence was a pair of scissors that was getting close to his favourite skinny jeans, threatening to cut them, to ruin them forever. 

“And?” Louis’s voice was shaking.

Liam laughed. A cold laugh, a fake laugh, a nervous laugh: all in one. “And she left me, what did you expect? And I’m scared. We’re still One Direction and if she - for money or revenge – decides to sell this thing to newspapers I think I could lose my job as a fireman. Fuck Lou, I’m so fucking scared. I need that kind of calls. The sexual kind of calls.” A storm was dancing inside Liam: the reason his girlfriend broke up with him were the sexual photos and text she found between him and Lou but that photos, that messages were the only thing that could cheer him up right now. Wasn’t that ridiculous? 

Louis felt his world crashing. It was true, she could sell the news to the newspapers and then what? Holmes Chapel was a little town: the news would spread like an arrow thrown by the very archery god, and Harry would know. The whole world would know, maybe in the same day Liam and Zayn came to visit them. The vision was so apocalyptical he had to sit down in his bed. His and Harry’s bed, he realized, and it was a funny thing to realize when you’re talking to your lover on the phone. Did Louis love Harry? Yes, he did. Did he love Liam? Well surely he didn’t not love him, so the real question was: was he a whore? Yes, he was, he could tell.  
“Do you think she will do it?” he asked, his hand holding firmly the white duvet bought in France the year before. He actually forced Harry to buy it even if they had no need in duvets, but Harry was always so nice to his whims. Why was he betraying him? Why was he not thinking about Liam’s broken heart? He felt dizzy.

Liam sighed, his head leaned against the cold wall outside the pub. The music could be heard through the wall, they were playing a Genesis song from a live album. “Well I don’t know if she took precautions leaving me. You know, something like sending some photos to herself in order to have proofs but… she was very angry although she is not the kind of person to do that. She could, obviously.” The world seemed to spin too fast, but somehow the voice of Louis was quieting everything down, it really helped. “Please Lou. I need you to say that.” He said after a sort moment of silence.

“…I love you.” Louis said after a brief pause, meaning it but at the same time he heard Harry laughing in the other room and he felt guilty about it. A long, heavy silence fell upon them and both could feel it weighing on their chests. 

It was time to end the phone call and Liam knew it (Louis never liked when Liam said it back). Only then he felt the cold hitting him and he suddenly knew was freezing. “Tell Harry we’re coming this weekend. I will help Zayn getting two days off from work.”

Louis nodded even though Liam couldn’t see him. “Sure. We’re looking forward to it.” And he hung up. After having thrown his phone onto the bed, he held his head and hoped for the best; he didn’t pray because he was not used to but he surely hoped and he hoped that someone could hear his hopes too. 

Liam simply wore his smile once again (the most powerful mask he had) and came back into the pub, ready to forgive Zayn about the little fight they had before. Bigger issues were ahead, he could not risk to lose his closest friend. He would have needed Zayn for what could come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am afraid Zayn was too sentimental in this chapter, thought it is a sentimental chapter. Please, let me know hat you think about it! Thank you for reading it :)


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